This is something I've always wanted to share with you. It's a piece called 'Photography Extraordinary' written by Lewis Carroll for one of the home-made family newspapers he wrote and illustrated, The Rectory Umbrella and Mischmasch. It was published in the Illustrated News of Jan 28 1860, five years before the publication of Alice’s
Adventures in Wonderland - when Carroll was twenty-eight.
It's very funny. I recognise both his satirical claim that writing a novel could, via some technical advance, become a mere 'mechanical labour' - and the comment about the first example being 'utterly unsaleable in the present day'. Plus ça change. In amongst the fun, however, are several lessons for the aspiring writer. For example, the same plot elements can be worked very differently. And if your work is dull, you may need to develop it...
Getting into the spirit of the the thing, I thought I should use different intensities of colour to highlight his point. Allow me to reproduce, without further ado, Lewis Carroll's
Photography Extraordinary!
The recent extraordinary discovery in Photography, as
applied to the operations of the mind, has reduced the art of novel-writing to
the merest mechanical labour. We have
kindly been permitted by the artist to be present during one of his
experiments.
The operator began by stating that the ideas of the feeblest
intellect, when once received on properly prepared paper, could be ‘developed’
up the highest intensity. He … summoned a young man from an adjoining room, who
appeared to be of the very weakest possible physical and mental powers. … The
machine being in position and a mesmeric rapport established between the mind
of the patient and the object glass … [he] at once commenced the operation.
After the paper had been exposed for the requisite time, it
was removed and submitted to our inspection; we found it to be covered in faint
and almost illegible characters. A closer scrutiny revealed the following:-
“The eve was soft and dewy mild; a zephyr whispered in the
lofty glade, and a few light drops of rain cooled the thirsty soil. At a slow amble, along a primrose-bordered
path, rode a gentle-looking and amiable youth, holding a light cane in his
delicate hand; the pony moved gracefully beneath him, inhaling as it went the
fragrance of the roadside flowers: the calm smile, and languid eyes, so
admirably harmonising with the fair features of the rider, showed the even
tenor of his thoughts. With a sweet, though feeble voice, he plaintively
murmured out the gentle regrets that clouded his breast:
‘Alas! She would not hear my
prayer!
Yet it were rash to tear my hair;
Disfigured, I should be less
fair.
She was unwise, I may say blind;
Once she was lovingly inclined;
Some circumstance has changed her
mind.’
There was a moment’s silence; the pony stumbled over a stone
in the path, and unseated his rider. A
crash was heard among the dried leaves; the youth arose; a slight bruise on his
left shoulder, and the disarrangement of his cravat, were the only traces that
remained of this trifling accident.”
“This,” we remarked as we returned the papers, “belongs apparently
to the Milk and Water School
of Novels.” “You are quite right,” our friend replied,
“and, in its present state, it is of course utterly unsaleable in the present
day: we shall find, however, that the next stage of development will remove it
into the strong-minded or Matter-of-Fact School.” After dipping it into various acids, he again
submitted it to us: it had now become the following: -
“The evening was of the ordinary character; barometer at
‘change’: a wind was getting up in the wood, and some rain was beginning to
fall; a bad look-out for the farmers. A
gentleman approached along the bridle-road, carrying a stout knobbed stick in
his hand, and mounted on a serviceable nag, possibly worth some £40 or so;
there was a settled business-like expression on the rider’s face, and he
whistled as he rode; he seemed to be hunting for rhymes in his head, and at
length repeated, in a satisfied tone, the following composition:-
‘Well! so my offer was no go!
She might do worse, I told her
so;
She was a fool to answer ‘No’.
However, things are as they
stood;
Now would I have her if I could,
For there are plenty more as
good.’
At this moment the horse set his foot in a hole, and rolled
over; his rider rose with difficulty; he had sustained several severe bruises,
and fractured two ribs; it was some time before he forgot that unlucky day.”
We returned this with the strongest expression of
admiration, and requested it might now be developed to the highest possible
degree. Our friend readily consented, and shortly presented us with the result,
which he informed us belonged to the Spasmodic or German School. We perused it with indescribable sensations
of surprise and delight.
“The night was wildly tempestuous – a hurricane raved
through the murky forest – furious torrents of rain lashed the groaning
earth. With a headlong rush – down a
precipitous mountain gorge – dashed a mounted horseman armed to the teeth – his
horse bounded beneath him at a mad gallop, snorting fire from its distended
nostrils as it flew. The rider’s knotted
brows – rolling eyeballs – and clenched teeth – expressed the intense agony of
his mind – weird visions loomed upon his burning brain – while with one mad
yell he poured forth the torrent of his burning passion:-
‘Firebrands and daggers! hope
hath fled!
To atoms dash the double dead!
My brain is fire – my heart is
lead!
Her soul is flint – and what am
I?
Scorch’d by her fierce relentless
eye,
Nothingness is my destiny!’
There was a moment’s pause. Horror! his path ended in a
fathomless abyss - *** A rush – a flash – a crash – all was over. Three drops
of blood, two teeth and a stirrup were all that remained to tell where the wild
horseman met his doom.”
Our friend concluded with various minor experiments, such as working up a passage of Wordsworth into strong, sterling poetry: the same experiment was tried on a passage of Byron, at our request, but the paper came out scorched and blistered by the fiery epithets thus produced.
Picture credit:
